WHY I JOURNAL

 

I have always kept a journal for as long as I can remember. I never gave it much thought until the other day when someone asked me why I do….well, lots of reasons.

First of all, when folks think of journals, many confuse them with diaries. They are not the same. When diaries come to mind, people think of the stereotyped teenage girl writing the events of her love life and dreams. Essentially, that is what a diary is, a record of day-to-day events and happenings. A journal, on the other hand, deals not only with recording events, but also feelings and emotions.

So, getting back to why I keep a journal. I have been blessed with awesome family and friends who provide a great support system. Whenever I need someone, they are always there for me and, I hope, I am just as much there for them. However, there are some feelings that are just too personal, awkward or sensitive to discuss with anyone. These are the emotions that people often keep hidden but they would be so much better off if they could express them.

 

SILENT BEST FRIEND. In so many ways, my journal is my silent best friend where I can just lay all my feelings out there. Even in conversation with people closest to us, some things are just taboo. Politics and religion are definitely two topics to steer clear of, but sometimes other nagging issues that are important to you are also things that you don’t want to keep running past family or friends.

Here is where a journal can be your silent best friend. I can be mad, sad and glad along with a host of other emotions. I can write any *&(*^* thing I want, knowing that no one will ever see it.

So, what’s the point to writing one if no one ever sees it? When we talk to someone or write to them, we have to be “politically correct.” We have to streamline our emotions into what is socially acceptable, with correct punctuation, no bad words, laying it out in some kind of order so it makes sense.

My journal doesn’t care about any of that, anything goes. It’s sloppy, messy, words are crossed out, it has foul language and even tear stains on some pages; it’s true feelings with no sugar coating. That’s what a journal is.

 

DEAL WITH TRUE FEELINGS. True feelings are what makes it honest. As much as we want to tell someone our true feelings, we often guard them so as not to cause anger or hurt. With that inhibition removed, we can write what is really on our minds in our journal. The mere fact of knowing that no one will read it is what encourages us to be so honest.

Part of dealing with our feelings is just getting them out. I actually feel like I am telling a friend when I write each day. As I write, I notice that my feelings evolve and I actually understand better why I feel the way I do. This has helped me countless times to actually think things through before having a conversation with someone about an important issue. I also know that this process has saved face for me more than once by stopping me from saying some things that I know I would regret later.

 

HELPS HEAL. It’s not really true that no one reads it. I read it and I am someone.

 

Recently, I lost a close family member. He and I had not talked in many years for a lot of reasons, some legitimate and some probably not. I had tried to reconcile but he wanted no part of it, telling me that I had hurt him so badly but never telling me what I had actually done.

 

In the days right before his passing I re-read my journals that I had kept, recalling the years that we grew up together. I thought that maybe somewhere in them lay some answers. As I read through, year by year and day by day, I relived the times before our troubles began. There were many things that I had forgotten. Some were days, some were moments that we had shared, good times together.

I could also see when we started to grow apart and what else was going on at the time. I didn’t find all the answers that I was looking for but it did showcase what was going on in both our lives and how I reacted to it.

 

RELIVE GOOD AND BAD. Re-reading them will always be bittersweet. I read through some very sad times in my life but, at the other end of the spectrum, there were some very tender and good memories that it brought back.

 

TIMELINE OF YOUR LIFE. A journal is also a timeline of your life. When a life event happens, it is fresh and you think you will always remember the details and even the date. Time has a way of erasing these. However, in a journal, the dates and events are right there. Marriages, deaths, meeting someone for the first time, life celebrations…they are all there in chronological order.

A journal is for you and no one else. It serves no other purpose but to make you a better person and to help put your life in perspective.

I don’t know how not to journal. It has always been a friend that has been there. On some days, the only entry is “nothing new” while other days take up three or four pages. Some pages are totally crossed out, knowing I got it out of my mind and on paper but something I never wanted to re-visit again.

My journal is not one book, but many spiral notebooks kept in an old suitcase in the closet. They are messy, torn, ripped, stained but they are honest reflections of my life. They have helped make me who I am…and that is why I journal.