I don’t
believe that there is any such thing as coincidences. Things don’t just happen.
We and everything we do and experience has a very definite place in the whole
scheme of things. Events happen for a reason and at the precise time they are
supposed to.
Sixty-three
years ago this year a baby boy was born to a farming family in Pennsylvania. He
would grow up to be a loving, kind family man who loved sports and excelled to
the best of his ability in whatever he chose to do. He was also a very giving
man, who would give the shirt off his back to help someone, who would travel
500 miles to see a sick friend, who was probably one of the richest men I have
ever known…not in dollars but rather in family and friends who adored him for
the kind of person he was.
He would
also know tragedy in his life. He lost his younger sister way too young to
cancer, his Mom to a heart attack and his Dad to diabetes, years after
suffering a stroke. He would succumb this past week to pancreatic cancer himself
after bravely fighting it for 17 months, leaving one brother and one sister
remaining out of a family of six.
Twenty-six
years ago this year a baby girl was born in Michigan. She would grow up to be a
loving, kind beautiful young lady who knew her own heart and would speak her
mind for whatever she believed in, notwithstanding if her opinion brought favor
from her family and friends or not. She also grew up to have a passion for
animals and, not only could she never stand to see one suffer, she has always
wanted to make life better for them in
whatever way she could. She has found her passion as a vet tech.
This past
week she took the next step in her life journey and married the love of her
life after getting to know him for the last six years. She had to be sure.
Two
different lives, born in different decades in two different states who lived in
two different worlds. How could their lives have possibly ever crossed? Well, they
never knew each other but both were dear people in my life. I first met Roger
and his family 34 years ago when I made my first trip back to Jim’s hometown in
Pennsylvania. Since then, Roger and his whole family have become intertwined
with my family.
I first met
Rachel over 20 years ago when she was just a little girl running around on the
farm with her sister. She and her family have also become intertwined with mine
and I have had the privilege of watching her grow from a little girl to a fine
young woman. I have seen her follow her passion for horses that took her away
from home way too soon and her love of family that brought her back. I have
seen her tears stemming from first loves that weren’t meant to be and I’ve seen
her steadfastness in sticking to her guns even when it wasn’t the popular thing
to do. I had the honor of taking her senior pictures.
Because this
young woman and this man were such special parts of my life, yesterday was
perhaps the most bittersweet day in my life. Yesterday was her wedding and his
funeral. Who would have thought?
I never
thought that I could feel such extreme happiness and sadness at the same time. At
the very same moment in time I saw the joy in Rachel’s eyes as she and the love
of her life were joined to share everything from now through eternity and I
also felt the gut-wrenching sorrow that Roger’s wife was losing her forever
love. This is life.
How can one
feel joy, anger, hurt, sadness, hope, despair and ecstasy all at the same time?
Last night when it was all over, I was exhausted and also happy, sad, mad and
glad. I knew, through the past few weeks that were leading up to these two
events, that there was a purpose, a lesson here. There always is.
Roger cared
about the future but he lived for today. Some people plan for when they get
older, for when they retire, always for tomorrow and they forget to enjoy the
present. Still others live with all the gusto they can for today and make no
plans for tomorrow. Either way is neither wrong nor right, you need a little of
both.
I have
always believed that the world is balanced by opposites. When there is black,
there is also white; joy and sorrow; failure and success; love and hate. These
always go hand in hand although the boundaries between them sometimes get a
little murky.
These past
couple weeks I have forgotten this truth. Roger’s illness and passing
paralleled Jim’s all too closely and I was reminded of the pain and the feeling
of helplessness of losing someone you love and couldn’t do anything about.
These past few weeks I lost my happy and didn’t know how to get it back.
Then today,
after the wedding and after the funeral, I did what I needed to do. I stepped
back and processed it all and looked at it from a whole instead of bits and
pieces. In the sorrow, I had forgotten that Roger did live, maybe more in his
short 63 years than many folks do in a longer lifetime.
I had also
forgotten that we are all, every single one of us, in the very same spot Rachel
and Nate were yesterday at 4:10 P.M. They began a whole new life together and
from that moment on they have the choice to make that life whatever they want
it to be. They can choose mediocre or they can make it amazing.
So can every
one of us. From this moment on, each of us has a personal choice to make
his/her life whatever we want it to be. Roger chose happy and love. I do too
again. Thank you, Rachel and Nate, for reminding me and all of us that we all
will always have that choice too. No, there are no coincidences, your marriage
was destined a long time ago for this very day and at this very moment. I was
destined to be there so I could see how to get my happy back.
Thank you
for the reminder that we do have a hand in our destiny and how we look at
circumstances. Thank you for my happy, I am truly rich.
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